We met on the fourth of July, five years ago. She was young at the time, and I fell in love with her big brown eyes and long lashes. Her black, silk-like fur put me in a daze from first sight. Her name was Samantha, Sammy for short. After a few years, I had taught her basic tricks, like sit, lie down, speak, roll over, and paw (which was a handshake). She also knew some more complicated tricks, like retrieving (balls, the morning newspaper, and a soda can), jumping over a stick, jumping into the lake off of a dock for distance, and many more.
After she had deftly retrieved a soda can, Sammy had started becoming extremely active. She would wag her tail vigorously, and leave a bruise on me if her tail hit me. She ran circles around the house, and when I let her outside she would do the same thing. At first I thought she was breaking the soda cans and drinking them, thus getting caffeine in her system. I thought this until one day after circling the house she bolted into the woods in my backyard. She had done this before, and when I called her she usually came back, but this time she didn’t.
I chased her, or rather followed the sound of rustling leaves and broken twigs that I thought was her. I shouted continually in a guttural tone trying to subjugate her, “SAMMY COME! “ My poor neighbors had to listen to these screams, because the eddies were extremely harsh that day. Still, she didn’t come. I headed towards the woods. As I walked through the brush, I could see where her matted down trail meandered to make a labyrinth. Suddenly, I saw her behind an old oak tree. She was sniffing in a covert knot hole in the tree. As I peered around the tree, I saw what she was rubbing her nose against. It was tattered pieces of a mailman’s carrying bag. I pulled out what was left of the bag and shuddered.
The bag was covered with blood. Also in the bag was a letter addressed to me. I panicked and tried to scream, but nothing came out. I was in shock and a bit leery. I grabbed Samantha by the collar and forced her home, as I took the evidence with me. I immediately ran inside to call the cops. An officer on duty answered with a stern voice: “Officer Nuttelman, can I assist you?” I didn’t know what to say at first, I was thwarted. Then I answered, “Yes, I, I…I…found a ripped, blood soaked mailman’s bag in the woods behind my house.”
“Continue, with the story sir.”
“There’s also a letter addressed to me.”
“Did you open the letter sir?”
“Not yet, it’s stained with blood.”
“Don’t open it, we’ll send an officer over who’s trained with this type of case.”
“Ok, I’ll be waiting.”
I waited for what seemed like forever with Sammy at my side. She sensed my fear, as she was trembling with me. The trained officer finally arrived with rubber gloves, a chemical kit, and his normal police gear. He took the letter and opened it carefully. Inside was a letter that was dated 5 years ago before my grandmother had died. It read: Dear Grandson, I know you are an honorable person. I am writing to you to tell you about a shady character in town. He works in the lumberyard with Grandpa. He is known to steal and be violent. Rumor has it, he uses his ax for more than cutting down trees. Please be careful when you are out taking Sammy for her diurnal walks. Good tidings. Love, Grandma. P.S. Don’t tell anyone about this letter. I might be putting you in danger telling you all this.
The officer’s mouth hung open as he read this letter. The officer told that case was analogous to a case that occurred about 5 years ago. The date was the same day marked on the letter. The case involved an old man who was murdered with an identified sharp object near a lumber yard. The killer was never found. Apparently, the old man was on his way to the post office to get a stamp to mail a letter. I pondered this a minute and then said, “Oh my gosh, that was the letter we have here written by my grandmother.” The policeman then told me a mailman was also slain with an identified object around the same time. I thought out loud, “This must be the mailman who owns this mailbag.” He apparently was trying to deliver this letter to me. My Grandmother was the last to die. She was also a victim to this shady killer.
The officer radioed his partner and several other crews. They raced to the lumberyard and circled the grounds. The officer had a sketch and matched the shady killer to the sketch. He was handcuffed and brought to the station. Looking back on this all now, I am glad he is sitting in a dirty, creepy, effluvia jail cell for life with no chance of emancipation. The death penalty wouldn’t allow the malefactor to suffer enough! As for Sammy, she still barks at every mailman that crosses her path, but she has a sympathetic tone to her bark. As for me, I’m glad the case is solved and the harsh winds haven’t blown anymore bloody mailbags into the woods!
After she had deftly retrieved a soda can, Sammy had started becoming extremely active. She would wag her tail vigorously, and leave a bruise on me if her tail hit me. She ran circles around the house, and when I let her outside she would do the same thing. At first I thought she was breaking the soda cans and drinking them, thus getting caffeine in her system. I thought this until one day after circling the house she bolted into the woods in my backyard. She had done this before, and when I called her she usually came back, but this time she didn’t.
I chased her, or rather followed the sound of rustling leaves and broken twigs that I thought was her. I shouted continually in a guttural tone trying to subjugate her, “SAMMY COME! “ My poor neighbors had to listen to these screams, because the eddies were extremely harsh that day. Still, she didn’t come. I headed towards the woods. As I walked through the brush, I could see where her matted down trail meandered to make a labyrinth. Suddenly, I saw her behind an old oak tree. She was sniffing in a covert knot hole in the tree. As I peered around the tree, I saw what she was rubbing her nose against. It was tattered pieces of a mailman’s carrying bag. I pulled out what was left of the bag and shuddered.
The bag was covered with blood. Also in the bag was a letter addressed to me. I panicked and tried to scream, but nothing came out. I was in shock and a bit leery. I grabbed Samantha by the collar and forced her home, as I took the evidence with me. I immediately ran inside to call the cops. An officer on duty answered with a stern voice: “Officer Nuttelman, can I assist you?” I didn’t know what to say at first, I was thwarted. Then I answered, “Yes, I, I…I…found a ripped, blood soaked mailman’s bag in the woods behind my house.”
“Continue, with the story sir.”
“There’s also a letter addressed to me.”
“Did you open the letter sir?”
“Not yet, it’s stained with blood.”
“Don’t open it, we’ll send an officer over who’s trained with this type of case.”
“Ok, I’ll be waiting.”
I waited for what seemed like forever with Sammy at my side. She sensed my fear, as she was trembling with me. The trained officer finally arrived with rubber gloves, a chemical kit, and his normal police gear. He took the letter and opened it carefully. Inside was a letter that was dated 5 years ago before my grandmother had died. It read: Dear Grandson, I know you are an honorable person. I am writing to you to tell you about a shady character in town. He works in the lumberyard with Grandpa. He is known to steal and be violent. Rumor has it, he uses his ax for more than cutting down trees. Please be careful when you are out taking Sammy for her diurnal walks. Good tidings. Love, Grandma. P.S. Don’t tell anyone about this letter. I might be putting you in danger telling you all this.
The officer’s mouth hung open as he read this letter. The officer told that case was analogous to a case that occurred about 5 years ago. The date was the same day marked on the letter. The case involved an old man who was murdered with an identified sharp object near a lumber yard. The killer was never found. Apparently, the old man was on his way to the post office to get a stamp to mail a letter. I pondered this a minute and then said, “Oh my gosh, that was the letter we have here written by my grandmother.” The policeman then told me a mailman was also slain with an identified object around the same time. I thought out loud, “This must be the mailman who owns this mailbag.” He apparently was trying to deliver this letter to me. My Grandmother was the last to die. She was also a victim to this shady killer.
The officer radioed his partner and several other crews. They raced to the lumberyard and circled the grounds. The officer had a sketch and matched the shady killer to the sketch. He was handcuffed and brought to the station. Looking back on this all now, I am glad he is sitting in a dirty, creepy, effluvia jail cell for life with no chance of emancipation. The death penalty wouldn’t allow the malefactor to suffer enough! As for Sammy, she still barks at every mailman that crosses her path, but she has a sympathetic tone to her bark. As for me, I’m glad the case is solved and the harsh winds haven’t blown anymore bloody mailbags into the woods!
6 comments:
The conflict of the story is that the protagonist finds out that there is a murderer out there and is trying to kill him and other people, the protagonist;s dog finds the letter that informs him. Th main character tries to not get killed by this murderer. The conflict was external. The conflict was resolved by the murderer being caught by the police and going to jail for a long time. I was pretty interested in the conflict of the story because I wanted to see if the murderer would kill the protagonist or would be put to jail. I liked it when the murderer was caught and arrested. I think that it could of been more dramatic if the murderer put up a fight with the police instead of just being caught and put to jail.
I do not think that the protagonist really changes over time, except for maybe being more aware of what was going on throughout the story. I think that the protagonist becomes more aware of the surroundings and that helps him catch the murderer. I think that this change is important to the story because the murderer might of not been caught if the protagonist did not bring the information that he found to the police. The story would of been very different, the murderer probably would of killed the protagonist or other people because the protagonist would not of found the information to the help from his pet dog.
My favorite part of the story was when the dog went running through the woods and found the blood stained letter from thr dead mailman behind a tree. I think that this part of the story occured in the climax of the story."She was sniffing in a covert knot hole in the tree. As I peered around the tree, I saw what she was rubbing her nose against. It was tattered pieces of a mailman’s carrying bag. I pulled out what was left of the bag and shuddered." I like this part of the story because the word choice was very good and it was a meaningful and important part of the story, it really engaged me.
I think that the tale's best qualitu is the climax. I think that this is the tale's best quality because it was very intense and I wanted to keep on reading to find out what would happen in the end. I also like how the great descriptions allowed me to picture the image of the climax in my head. That is why I think that the tale's best quality was the climax.
I think that the story's theme was to never give up. I think it was this because the dog did not give up trying to get to the letter that it was smelling in the woods, and the protagonist did not give up trying to get the murderer to go to jail. I think that the author planted the seeds by the protagonist getting a dog because this allowed the dog of the protagonist to sniff the letter out in the woods and allowed the main character to tell the police about the letter and putting the murderer in jail.
I think that it would help the author to get a better grade if he puts more dialogue in the short story. I think that more dialogue would help because it would allow other readers to feel like they are apart of the story and know what is going on. This would also make the story seem more real, and feel like it happened in real life. Other than that I thought that this was a well writen short story.
This is a very good story. Good job Will. It was kind of gross and the conflict was that there is a killer in the town and he has been killing a lot of people for no reason. It’s an external conflict and it was resolved as the killer getting sentenced to the death penalty. I think this was a good resolution and you shouldn’t change it.
The character changes because at the end of the story he is more aware and the dog barks at mailmen sympathetically. I thought that part was sweet because the dog gets what is happening. If he didn’t change, he wouldn’t be more aware of his surroundings and that he’s lucky that he didn’t encounter this evil man.
My favorite part was when the dog barked at all the mailmen from then on but in a good way. I liked it because it made me think of all the dogs that bark at mailmen and wonder if that’s why they do. Very unlikely but it’s fun to think that. “Sammy, she still barks at every mailman that crosses her path, but she has a sympathetic tone to her bark.”
The best thing about this story is that you use the vocabulary words correctly. I’ve read some that uses them incorrectly. I think the theme is that you can’t overlook something like a person dying until you know exactly what happens. You don’t need to advise a lot just check spelling I guess.
The confilct is that a killer is trying to kill him.he knows this because his dog found a letter that told him that. The conflict is external. In the end, the killer was arrested and put in jail. The cinflict was good becuse it kept me the edge of my seat. the character changes how he becomes more mature though out the story. your use of vocab was great.i think the theme was justice always provails, because the killer gets caught in the end.
deftly(adv.)-with skill: "After she(the dog) had deftly retrieved a soda can...."
guttural(adj.)from the throat:"I shouted continually in a guttural tone..."
subjugate(v.)-to conquer and bring under control: "...trying to subjugate her(the dog)."
eddies(n.)air or wind current:"...because the eddies were extremely harsh that day."
labyrinth(n.)maze: "...her(the dog's) matted down trail meandered to make a labyrinth."
covert(adj.)hidden or secret:"She(the dog) was sniffing in a covert knot hole in a tree."
tattered(adj.)ragged:"...tattered pieces of a mailman's carrying bag."
leery(adj.)suspicious:"I was in shock and a bit leery."
thwarted (v.)confuse or frustrate: "...at first, I was thwarted."
tidings(n.)a piece of news or greeting: "Good tidings."
analogous(adj.)similar or comparable:"This case was analogous to a case that occurred about five years ago."
effluvia(n.) an offensive smell:"I'm glad he's sitting in a dirty, creepy, effluvia filled jail cell..."
emancipation(n)freedom:"...no chance of emancipation."
malefactor(n.)evil doer/culprit:"The death penalty wouldn't allow the malefactor to suffer enough."
diurnal(adj.)daily:"Please be careful when you're out taking Sammy for her diurnal walks."
great story!
The biggest change from my first draft to my final draft, is probably the sentence flow and better grammar/spelling. The sentences sound better after revising them and the grammar/spelling has been corrected.
I think the feed back that gave the most constructive critizism was the best. It helped me correct my story rather than just saying it was goo the way it was.
I think my stories greatest strength was keeping my story interesting. I kept it to the point and didnt stray to unneeded details.
Next years students should just start an keep writing. Just keep writing the story even if it doesn't sound very good. You can always make corrections later. If you keep coming up with new ideas it will add unneeded stress to your life.
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