Monday, October 6, 2008

Simple Pleasures

In this world, there are many items of value to us, be it items with financial worth or moments that are dear to us. Back in the day, people couldn’t wait to have a family dinner or a camp out with dad. Now a day, it is more about the money. Has society corrupted our thoughts on what we, as people, think as important? Does this fast-paced world give us time for these priceless moments?
I wake up and realize that it is Sunday morning. This means game day over at grandmas. Almost every Sunday, my family and I go to my grandmas to watch football games, especially the New England Patriots, my all time favorite football team. The most important aspect of the game is my Patriots jersey.
This authentic sports gear, ranging anywhere from $50-$100, has four important pieces: The logo, the front, the sides, and the back of the jersey, each giving it a specific flare. This jersey is my lifeline during the games. It gives me protection from my superstitious grandma, who, if I don’t wear it, will blame me if the Patriots lose. Not wearing it is not an option!
The logo is a glimmering silver face with red, white, and blue hair, dangling off the head. Each of these colors representing one on the American flag. The face has a proud stern look, but feels like it’s mocking you in a sort of way. It gives you a feeling of hope or conquest, like when the Patriots crush the opposing team. This logo shows the true American spirit.
The front has two big numbers that seem to pop out at you, one and two. In smaller print, the word Patriots with a small logo is pasted over the “P” right below the neck collar. A meshed material all over the shirt, lets your skin breath. Football games at Grandma’s get heated, and this cooling off mesh comes in handy. To top it all off, a National Football League patch is plopped down in the bottom right hand corner.
Both shoulders are identical in style. There is a bold silver stripe right where your shoulder ends and bicep begins. The Reebok Symbol is making an X-shape, no more than an inch below the stripe. Finally, the Patriot logo floats mysteriously under the Reebok symbol. These all give you the signal to beware.
In the back sits the numbers one and two, which are slightly smaller than the numbers on the front. Just like the front, they are outlined in a red line and then a silver line, filled with white coloring. Above the numbers are five letters in bold, white letters that spell B-R-A-D-Y. These letters shout the name out and make you want say BR-A-DY, and Sunday afternoons over at Grandmas are perfect for that.
I look into my window and see an orange glow coming from the inside. I think for a moment, and then realize, it’s a fire, yes. After a long day of sledding, this will be perfect. I approach the front door, cold and wet from sledding. Yet, I know the fire inside will warm me. I open the door and peel off the wet clothes slowly, as my fingers are still frozen. At last, the winter clothes are off, and I feel like I’m finally thawing.
From the kitchen I smell hot cocoa my mom has made. I know it’s my favorite, because I can smell the hint of mint. I pour myself a big mug of this chocolate heaven and begin to overfill it with mini marshmallows. As I touch the mug, my once numb fingers begin to tingle with warmth. Now it’s time to warm my body.
I hear noise from the living room. “Crackle, Crackle, Tsssssss!” The noise lures me into the living room. My sister is already sitting down, her eyes mesmerized by the flame. My dog, Ginger, has found this spot a comfortable place too. I nestle up next to her, still holding my cocoa in one hand. Perfect, I think to myself. What a great way to relax and calm my body. I hear my dog breath, and my breathing copies hers.
Dad joins the room and sets up the Monopoly game. As we slowly get up from the fire, we start a family game. I’m the silver hat on my way to buying property. Although I’m not directly in front of the fire now, it is still within my sight and takes me away from the game at times. This warm fire, inexpensive, yet the mood with family around is priceless.
My Patriots jersey and a crackling fire at home provide me with special family moments, relaxation, and time away from my normal routine. My Patriots jersey and all its special details get me revved up, and prepared for the Sunday game. Sitting by my fireplace with a warm fire glowing, gives me time to think and allows me to step away from reality for a brief moment.
My Patriots jersey is more of a tool for being safe with grandma, while the crackling fire is a moment that provides me with a blank mind and relaxation. The jersey is a symbol of pride, while the fire is a symbol of neutrality. They are both used at different times, the jersey is mainly used in the afternoon, while the fire is mainly used at night.
I prefer priceless moments to items of financial worth. No matter what, I know that the items of financial worth are just tools for a particular ocassion. They cannot give me the satisfaction or pleasure that priceless moments give you. Society hasn’t gotten the best of me yet, I still cherish these special moments!

11 comments:

Nathaniel said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
chelsea said...

i really like the way that you started your essay. It was a real attention grabber and It made me want to read more. The rest was really good explained but not so much as an event in the present tense. You should think about this when it comes to your revision.

Nathaniel said...

After reading your essay, will, I found out that you value material things less than moments and routines. You really sounded like you enjoyed the fire after a cold day. You told me that you liked to watch the fire and drink cocoa. Also I got a feeling that you are entranced by the fire.

I thought you really described the Patriots shirt well. I could picture exactly how it looks. The best description was when you said “The logo is a glimmering silver face with red, white, and blue hair, dangling off the head. Each of these colors representing one on the American flag. The face has a proud stern look, but feels like it’s mocking you in a sort of way.” There were many other great descriptions in the essay but that one stood out to me.

I think the part with great strength is your description. You described both objects very well with very good diction. One examples of your good description are “Both shoulders are identical in style. There is a bold silver stripe right where your shoulder ends and bicep begins. The Reebok Symbol is making an X-shape no more than an inch below the stripe. Finally the Patriot logo floats mysteriously under the Reebok symbol. These all give you the signal to beware.” I thought you really were able to make your description do something like explain besides just describing.

I think you should try and lengthen your conclusion. Also I think it would be smart to try and put your Patriot’s jersey in motion. Also I think you should try and rephrase some sentences that don’t sound completely right. For example when you say “It (Pats. Jersey) gives you a feeling of hope or conquest, like when the Patriots crush the opposing team. This logo shows the true American spirit.” I thought it was kind of jumbled up and I thought in my head that hope and conquest are different but you could write Hope and conquest (not hope or conquest). I would suggest you go over your essay and look and see what sentences are not perfect or sound silly and modify them.

-Nathaniel B-Block

chris said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
chris said...

1. I think the author is trying to say that memories should be valued more that objects with financial worth because memories last forever. I also feel it is true that in our fast paced world we are loosing time for special memories to be made.
2. I think his jersey was described better than his experience after sledding. "The logo is a glimmering silver face with red, white, and blue hair, dangling off the head" I thought this a very good quote from your essay because it had a lot of description, and really made me think of the object. Also I could picture the logo in my head with the different colors.
3. I feel that your entire essay was really strong. But your description, of your memories and your item of financial worth were extravagant. There is nothing you could do to your description to make it any better. I also liked your memory of getting back from sledding and having hot cocoa and playing monopoly.
4. Really I feel your essay was really good. The only thing you should do before Mr. BG sees this is go over the grammar. Also the punctuation and spelling. After that you should be fine.

tom said...

Well, will the pill, you obviously value your priceless moment more because you said so twice. You said yourself that you prefer experiences over items. So it is obvious you prefer sitting in front of the warm crackling fire rather than your jersey.

You were very good at describing. I could easily vividly describe every scene, and your object very well. But i liked how you described siiting around the fire. It was like i could feel the heat, but not really because i was cold.

You had plenty of good things about the essay. You described very well like i already said in the last paragraph, And you also had Really good organization. Everyone had both of those, but who's to say they aren't all good? I never got confused while reading it.

Casey said...

Compairing your Patriot Jesery to being around a fire on cold days is two great material/ nonmaterial objects to compair. It was you did a very nice job at working it out. You did a great jod on your desciptions of each item. It was a piece a was happy to read.
I thought your desridion of the winter nights of warming yourself by the fire with your family was described beautifully. You did a nice job taking the time to write a rich descrition for ever thing that you love about it. "As I touch the mug, my once numb fingers begin to tingle with warmth." This sentence made me feel like I could be right their with you.
Overall, your strongest skill in your paper, is your abillity to right great descriptions. I thought you did a great job at writing sentences apon sentences of description of each part of each item. I like how even your material thing had a story, or memory that you shared. I hope that in the future you add that much description in each story you right.
Will, i suggest that in the near future, that you might want to add more paragraphs. There isn't much to change in your essay, so the only thing I can say is to just add more. The more you right the more information you can tell about each item. The items were fine, but it might help.

Peter said...

Well, I enjoyed the fact that your only material possession was an item of clothing, which means that you prefer non-material stuff. Your Pats jersey is pretty well described, and a crackling fire is awesome. That particular part of the essay seemed to be really genuine. I also liked that gameday is held at your grandmas.
Your jersey was quite well written about, especially in the third paragraph. Stating that a football jersey is truly an american symbol is almost a comical thing to write, but it does make sense. I also enjoyed the fact that the fire was so well described and it made me want to go sledding just so I could start a fire.
The essay did have a particular strong point, and I think it was probably the introduction. The way of chronicling the development of value was a really good idea. I liked this part very much. It was very well described.
Surprisingly, I couldn't find anything wrong with your essay, Will. Well, I don't mean to sound condescending with that sentence, your essay was quite good. Personally, I wouldn't change this essay whatsoever. Good job.

Jack said...

After reading your essay, it seems to me that you value things that allow you to spend time with your family. You wear your Patriots jersey when you are watching a football game with your Grandma, and the fire lets you sit inside and relax with your sister, dad,mom,and dog while enjoying hot chocolate and monopoly.

Both the description of your jersey and of the fire were well written, but I liked the description of the fire better. I especially liked when you said, "I open the door and peel off the wet clothes slowly, as my fingers are still frozen." This gave me a very clear picture of those snowy days when you go out sledding and get cold and wet, and then come home and warm up by the fire.

I would say that the overall strength of this essay was your voice. It often sounded exactly like you would say in real life. Voice is a very important tool for any type of writing, so it is a good thing thing that yours is so developed. One example of good voice is when you said "Back in the day, people couldn’t wait to have a family dinner or a camp out with dad."

Before Mr.B-G reads your essay, you might want to try checking your comma usage. I noticed a few spots where I found my self either stopping several times during a sentence due to commas, or reading very quickly due to lack of commas. Other than that, great essay Will. Well done!

Peter said...

HOLY @$#!

http://www.mechanicalcat.net/rachel/photos/giantrabbit.jpg

_peter

betty said...

why is it will the pill?